I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
