she kept yelling 'call me bella'
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
