Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
