Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize