we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
