Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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