Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
