I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
