the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
