Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Less talking, more tequila
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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