You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
