I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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