I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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