Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
