True but thats because hes a fetus.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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