Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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