The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
