She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
