I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
