Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
