please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
