Got a toothbrush?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
