He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
