so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So squirting runs in the family.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
