we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
