Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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