Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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