There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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