Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize