Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
