This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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