i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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