he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
