Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
