There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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