I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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