I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
