This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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