why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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