So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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