Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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