I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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