gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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