the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Found the puke drawer
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
