the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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