the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
