I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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