This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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