im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
