Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
