'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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