I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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