I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
