You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
