Your mouth is God's brothel.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
