haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
