last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You dont lie about slip and slides
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
