I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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