i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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