I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
