Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
