Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
