Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
