Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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