You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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