Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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