Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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