So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
